These past months have been so hard and at this point, I am not even sure what I should do. I know I need to keep moving on. All the pictures in my room are gone. I should probably clean my iPhoto library out,too. I finally deleted all the texts last month or so.
Honestly, it almost feels impossible to completely get back up again. And I think about us getting back together, but sadly I don't think that'd work out. I still am freaking nuts in certain situations with him and I hate it. That was one of the things I wanted to change. I think it comes from a lack of trust and then I think of the worst possible scenario and it eats me alive. How do you stop that shit,though?
I feel like I am back at the point where I just want things to be okay with us again. To act like nothing ever happened. Ha, like I could even do that. I can barely talk to one friend without thinking "she's probably texting him right now..". why does it matter? Well, I can tell you it upsets me a lot. Not to mention, I feel like I can't tell her near as much as I used to because I think she'll tell him. Hell I can barely be around her now. It's sad. Sometimes I hate myself for all these little things I do and what's even sadder is that I don't fix them. I don't know how to stop them in their tracks before they even start.
Unneeded stress is what it is.
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