Interesting,eh?

I am not you're average college student by any means. I'd prefer going to a show, biking, or make things rather than playing beer pong and getting drunk. My main bone to pick with drinking besides the fact that we just don't get along is that I will only drink things that taste good to me. This excludes a lot of alcoholic beverages that exist.

However, last night we called a truce because our neighbor's were having jungle juice at their party. Although this drink has an incredible amount of alcohol, the reason i like it and can drink it is because of the fruityness.

For the first time I made myself try to enjoy a party and I had a good time. I think I'm making progress in life.

Just trying to keep living and keep experiencing, because good lord who knows what could happen. I mean I didn't expect him to be in the icu for 9 days and I also didn't expect for us to get in a pretty bad car accident after him getting out of the hospital.

At this point in my life, I just can't plan everything out.It's becoming more and more evident to me.

It was incredibly hard to get out of the magnetic field of his, the first time.

Now I have to do it again.fuck.

Each time I left that house I ended up crying all the way home. I'm so sick of this.

All I get from him is I'm sorry,which doesn't do anything at this point.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Start new.

It's weird how quickly things can change in your life. One moment you're doing fine and moving on. The next moment the person you're trying to move on from falls and gets a brain injury that could've killed them. Then, you're back to square 1.

I am starting to think that I really should not have brought up getting back together. He doesn't know if he's going to be okay. He can't even live on his own at the moment. How the world would he have a relationship with me again?

I really miss the security of it all and just knowing I could count on him being there,always. Then when all of this happend, I immediately wanted to make sure I wouldn't lose him.

I don't know about it anymore.

I do know I need to move on stat and I don't really think I should bother talking to him about it. I wrote him a little note saying I was moving on and that I love him. I haven't decided if I'll still give it to him or not.

Another thing I'm sure of is that I need to start making Richmond more of my home. I need to make a life there not just a temporary life.

Your future is in your hands, so what are you going to do?

Answer: I have no idea.

Every time I think about my future I get stressed out and freaked out. I think about how I need to write more articles if I ever want to get an internship or even a job. They want to see how well I can write or think I write. I only have one article to prove that and that's not enough.
The thing is though, I really don't have the motivation to join the newspaper or go out and talk to people to write articles about. The idea freaks me out. I feel like I'm not competent enough to write an article about a band's show even if I'm really into them.
I think this semester is when I need to step up to the plate. If I want to go into journalism, which I am not even sure at this moment, then this is what I need to do. I need to get my name out there.
My roommate's ex boyfriend is really involved in this student produced online news site called Mesh Media.He wants me to do some stories for them. I should take him up on it.
I mean seriously, with how many shows I go to, I might as well write about them.
My fear though, with writing about music, is the harsh judgment from music scenes thinking I don't know what I'm talking about.

I guess it's time for me to not only show 2011 what I've got but also myself.
Here we go, Paige.