Square 1

So he is back at home with his mom. I've been bracing the snow with my parents to go visit him and hang out. We have been kind of acting like we've been dating and it's been really nice. We'll kiss when we depart,like we used to. He tells me he loves me, which I don't at all doubt is not true. However, why bother doing these things if you're not gonna be with me? I started telling him I loved him while he was still in the hospital because I was afraid of losing him. It's important to tell the people you love that you love them & that's what I was acting on.

After rehearsing what I was going to say in my mind, I finally asked what's up with us and I think it threw him off guard but he had to of been expecting it at some point.

I told him I wanted to be with him and all I got back was "I dont know what I want to do". Maybe it was wishful thinking but I really was hoping his thoughts had changed especially with the accident. I thought he'd see how much I cared etc. etc. "I still care about you,Paige" "I love you".Those lines really don't make things better. In fact, they make everything worse.

Now I am back to square 1, trying to pick myself back up.